I was hoping you would stop me.

That you would catch me while I was walking and elaborate.

But I got caught up in the thrill of the chase.

I became enticed by the quest of not knowing the taste.

I got wrapped up in this quest for knowledge. knowing your motives and intentions. (knowing how he saw me and whether he was as interested in me as I was in him).

I made it my mission to know it.

to figure out your intentions.

but it was quite difficult.

quite hard to discern it

(in fact I still don’t think I know it).

your heart was eluding my mentions.

Failing hard to decipher. to read between the subtexts and invisible subtweets.

Confused and unsure.

my emotional state, frantic.

my mental state more drastic.

No matter how you presented it, I couldn’t quite add it.

I couldn’t make 1 + 1 = 2 because only I knew of me, and only you knew of you.

There was no exchange of wills or heart strings.

Just aimless wonderings. and aimless wanderings.

And though I couldn’t see it, I was long past drowning.

In this sea of confusion, I postulated. + waited. and waited…

for a song that never came.

for words that were never exchanged.

for honesty.

for clarity.

for security.

(for you to elaborate).

I lost the fee. no refund on my deposit.

It’s gone.

my heart in your pocket and all the while you unknowing.

that though I played it cool, I was hoping you would break the rules, lay out all your cards, and show me your next move.

but a haphazard arrangement could never be fragrant.

and though I thought I played it cool, I actually played your fool.

and I waited. and waited.

for words that were always abbreviated.

Originally published 6/7/2015