"Joy is counter-intuitive." I woke up one morning with those words resonating in my soul. I quickly grabbed my phone and jotted it down in my notes. It was an "aha" moment for me, as if joy itself was trying to illuminate my day. I'm not sure if I had been struggling that week, but I know that my prayer requests had been centered around learning what it meant to have ever constant joy despite any situations I might be facing. I wasn't sure if I'd ever had that type of joy in my life and I so desperately wanted it.

How does one have joy even while suffering? My fascination with this question came from a verse in Hebrews 12 that talks about how Jesus endured the cross for the joy set before him. That stuck out to me. How in the world did Jesus find joy in his suffering? And what does that even look like in my life? I knew that after the cross Jesus would be reunited with his Father so maybe that meant his joy was the prospect of eternal, inseverable fellowship with God. But I wanted to know more.

My prayer was for God to reveal what this meant to me and perhaps that's exactly what He was doing when he woke me up that morning to tell me that joy doesn't make sense. It doesn't go with our intuitive response to what we may be surrounded by. It is counter-intuitive. Yet in order to experience joy, you have to choose it...even if, or rather even WHEN it doesn't seem like the natural response. Because it's not.

I am currently in a season where my joy looks nothing like my circumstances. I feel foolish choosing joy knowing exactly what is going on in my life. I have my moments, where I'm down, but then comes this laughter and this sense of peace and I can't help but to choose it. In her book "Defiant Joy," Stasi Eldredge argues that "Joy is actually our birthright even amidst the pain." I have this written on my wall as my reminder. No matter what I am facing - "Joy is my birthright." And so I'm going to choose it, even if it is counter-intuitive.

And every time I face a situation I get to find out how you will meet me there And so I am constantly learning About a God who never changes Yet who is sufficiently able To meet every trial I face And be greater than it

When doubt and darkness come Look them in the face and say “You don’t get to stay here.” This is my reply to the darkness. I know a God Who is the light in the darkness I know a God Who breaks chains Whose word remains unchanged Who was, and is, and is to come And in everything is STILL THE SAME He said he would perfect and complete what he started in me And I am crazy enough to believe it Because I've seen him Bind up the wounds of my broken heart Teach me not to fear And show me that forgiveness was the place to start I've seen him heal me with his love And watched in awe as he commanded generational curses to fall off. Is God still God when there is darkness? Is God still God when there is unrest? The answer Is a resounding, yes. I will not allow darkness To take my light away. When doubt and darkness come I will remember that even in the darkness I am yet seen and known by the creator So to the darkness I say My God is STILL the light that shines in darkness And you...you will comprehend it not But you will know when your reign of terrors cease Because of the joy in the morning that the light will bring.